If you know me in real life you know that I sang that title to the tune of John Mayer’s “Gravity”. It just fits so well! It brings me joy, which is something that today’s blog post topic also does.
So I’m a recovering people-pleaser. This is something that I’m working on in therapy, and it’ll likely be something I’m working on for a while. I’ve been a people-pleaser for the majority of my almost 33 years on this earth, so it’s something that likely won’t change overnight. Like most who suffer with this condition I often put others’ needs above my own, and often at the detriment of myself. I’ve been known to work myself to the edge of burnout, and a few times to actual burnout to make others’ lives easier.
My therapist has been helping me with tools to help me set and keep healthy boundaries in different areas of my life. Some are more specific, like for work or with family, and others are more general. Now I’m no medical professional, but I wanted to share some of the more general tools that I’ve been using that have helped me.
‘No’ is a full sentence. – I’ve said this one before, and I’ll continue to say it until I’m blue in the face. Explanations aren’t always owed, and “no” is a full sentence.
You can’t be everything to everyone. – Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice being the go-to person for things, but you can’t do that all the time. You’ll be burning the candle at both ends.
Rest is a right, not a reward. – I found out the hard way that my idea of ‘resting’ was actual work. I was resting from my 9-5 work, but would spend my entire weekend working on other things and not giving myself the chance to actually just be. Which leads me to my next boundary tool.
Use your ‘Do Not Disturb’ feature. – I actually have mine set to automatically turn on at 8PM-7AM every night, and some Sundays I leave it on all day. That way I’m not bothered until I’m ready to be bothered. You can also set it for individual people or even certain group chats. If I’m being honest I mute most of the group chats I’m in because I don’t want them draining my battery anyway. This is just one step further.
I hope these tools help y’all like they’ve been helping me and that you’re able to set and keep some healthy boundaries.