Since 2003 April 22nd has been a bittersweet day for me. Most folks know it as ‘Earth Day’, some might even know it as their birthday (happy birthday, Krysten), but for me it’s the anniversary of my mom’s passing. In fact, this year marks 17 years.
I’m only 31, but I’ve had more years without her presence physically than I’ve had with her, and even though it gets easier each year that grief never really goes away. In fact, for years I wouldn’t go to school on the anniversary of her death. Teachers and professors understood it was just too much to bear. The same thing would happen on her birthday, which is just 5 days before mine. I found myself not wanting to leave the house, let alone my room on those days. I wouldn’t necessarily cry all day, but I would allow myself to sit with the memories of her.
My mom was so dope y’all. She was the type of mom who wanted us to experience the world and did her best to give us that. Cute outfits, daycare, fun toys when we were really little, after-school activities that fueled later passions in life as we got older. And she supported us 100%! She was that mom who would show up to school with homemade buffalo wings on our birthdays (this was back when parents could bring homemade food to schools), she made sure that we not only went on field trips but that we enjoyed them, she stood up for us when we were being discriminated against and she supported our passions. Whether it was being the band mom who went to all of the games, performances, competitions, or something as simple as buying every piece of *NSYNC merch and tickets to shows that she saw in stores for me because she knew that I liked them. I don’t even think she was a fan of them, but I might have converted her when she heard “I’ll be good for you” on their ‘No Strings Attached’ album. I remember being both embarrassed and proud when I would hear her “THAT’S MY BABY” coming from the crowds, but now I miss them. I remember her rushing to the band area when I fell at the homecoming game during my freshman year of high school and broke the flute. I was fine, my pride was hurt but she didn’t care.
It was memories like that and more that brought me joy during the sadness I was feeling, but like I said it took some years before I was able to do more than stew in my feelings of grief on this anniversary. Now I have other things to keep my mind busy, work being a big one and with that comes Earth Day celebrations. I’d originally planned on sharing some Earth Day tips with y’all today, kind of like the tips we’d share with our tenants but that idea got nixed because I woke up in my feelings. Instead, I’ll link a past post I wrote and encourage y’all to check it out and do your part and take care of this planet that we share.