I’m not sure if I’ll make these “dating chronicles” a weekly thing, but I had something else to get off of my chest. So I’m talking to this guy and things are going great. Texts and emails are constantly flowing from both parties, phone conversations are at least an hour long, all good things. We’re knocking all of the basic questions out of the way and I’m even willing to overlook his grammatical errors! We’re talking about likes, dislikes, life goals, blah blah blah and then he said something that struck a nerve with me. I wasn’t sure if I should be upset or not, but he said that I’m different from “other/most females”.
And he said it more than once.
Now me being the blunt person that I am, asked him to elaborate and he explained that most of the “females” (a term I’m not too fond of when used in that context) he’s talked to/dated didn’t know squat when it came to things like computers (coding, building, basic understanding of memory and RAM), nor did they have many interests in things past a superficial level. Now I didn’t know whether to pray that maybe the girls were just “dumbing themselves down” which is something that happens a lot since there are guys out here who are intimidated by a strong, smart, beautiful woman, or if he just had a bad taste in women. It doesn’t take much to stun me to near silence, but his statement did. My only response was that I’m not “most women”. He laughed and told me that he could see that. Once again, not sure if that was a compliment or if I’m reading into things too much.
I actually read a post last week on Jordyn’s blog about a similar topic and it got me to thinking. She expressed that she couldn’t be that silent but pretty trophy girlfriend/wife/partner and I agree with her. I’m far too outspoken and blunt to be anything but myself and I want a mate who doesn’t expect anything less. I’m smart and opinionated, but I’m also a girl’s girl. I like all things pink and frilly (though my favorite color is blue), I believe in monogramming all things that don’t move, I love wearing makeup and getting dressed up (minus heels…I despise wearing heels) but I can get into a heated debate on feminism, politics and social justice in a minute. I’ve actually been told by a few guys that I intimidate them, and I have an ex who told me that he didn’t feel comfortable with me because weren’t on the same level as far as salary and education were concerned. It didn’t bother, but it bothered him. That to me is an insecurity and a personal problem, and though I was upset we broke up at the time I now realize that it was for the best.
So what is it that turns guys off of a strong willed, smart, beautiful woman? Is it because we’re not afraid to speak our minds? Is it that we’re literally the best of both worlds? We can get all dolled up and look great on your arm at functions, but we can also participate in a conversation about what’s going on in Paris, the law that might pass in Texas about medical standards for clinics and hospitals that perform abortions, and the social justices happening here in this nation. That to me sounds like a great catch; a guy has his cake and can eat it too!
Like I said, I’m not sure how I should feel with the “not like other females” comment. I feel like I shouldn’t be the exception, I should be the norm. Right? What do y’all think?
I don't know. I think the problem is that a lot of guys aren't as well-versed in those topics as they like to appear, so having a woman that is kind of calls their bluff. They can't handle that.