Serious question.
I’m not talking about a stay at home mother, but a wife, as in no children. I say no children because I know quite a few stay at home mothers, especially new ones, and I know how time consuming it is to take care of a child especially newborns. Even then, once the children are school age; could you do it?
I’ve heard arguments for both sides, the women saying that they could claimed to be the uber domestic type and would be perfectly happy waking up with their husbands at 6:30, making their breakfast and lunch and seeing them off to work, cleaning the entire house by themselves, and filling their days with random errands, gym time and lunch with friends. Some women cite biblical reasons, stating that Titus 2 is why they do it.
I really couldn’t see myself being a stay at home wife, or even a long-term stay at home mom. I’m not the Stepford Wife type of woman, doing a lot of domestic work and always being accessible to my husband doesn’t do it for me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like to do housework at all, I just think it should be split evenly between both spouses. And not just the typical gender specific tasks either, I’m not opposed to my husband getting in the kitchen and cooking…in fact I will encourage it. On the same hand, I wouldn’t mind doing yard work or washing cars or whatever. I believe in splitting chores, especially with the children when they’re old enough; which would be sooner rather than later since I plan on adopting kids who are at least 7 or 8 (those are the kids who are usually left to age out of the system…that’s another post though).
Now don’t get me wrong, I do want to take some time off after I adopt my children and focus primarily on taking care of them, but that’s what maternity leave is for. I’m not going to drop them like a sack of potatoes when those few months are over, I still want to be accessible to them, and to my husband too, but I don’t want my life to revolve around them. I’ve read too many times than I’d like to count that having kids is the best thing you can ever do. Well I disagree. I believe that it’s one of the best things you can do, but no the best. I want a life outside of my home working in the career I’m passionate about, and I will balance that passionate career with my homelife.
But anywho! Back to the original question asked, I went off on a tangent when I involved the kids, but seriously if no children were involved could you be a stay at home wife? I’ve heard and read women say that they would occupy their time with volunteering, and my question to that is to why not get a part time job then? It’s not like you’re completely anti-social if you want to volunteer, and you could still volunteer and work at a job with like 10 or so hours a week. I don’t know. The whole concept just baffles me.
My decision isn’t financially based either. I’ve always said that even if I won the lottery and didn’t have to work for the rest of my life I still would. I’m passionate about what I’m studying and would feel like I didn’t accomplish what I was supposed to do with my life if I didn’t fight injustice in the fashion I want to. Also, I really wouldn’t want my degree to go to waste like that I feel it would.
And I know that no one likes to talk about the ugly ‘D’ word, but the truth is that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Whether it’s a 3 year gap or a 13 year gap, that time spent at home being a stay at home wife is time not spent in the workforce. Child support and alimony can only cover so much, especially when you’re used to a certain lifestyle. I know a woman who has her Masters and is currently working at a call center because that was all she could get after divorcing her husband of 7 years. Alimony and child support doesn’t cover all the expenses that she and her 2 children have.
As you can tell from my soapbox rant before I couldn’t be a stay at home wife. I’d get restless and there’s no way in hell I’m gonna let my degree go to waste. I’ve worked too hard to get it and still have a decent amount of student loans left to pay for me to just not put it to use. What about you?